Journal Entry ~ 08/19/17

25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  - Psalm 73:25-26

The crisis of faith Asaph struggled with here was doubting God's goodness. As you read through the middle verses of this psalm, you see that he questions why the wicked seem to prosper and why the Godly seem to suffer. Asaph was afflicted with suffering while the wicked seemed to be enjoying the good life.  His trust in the goodness of God was being challenged to the very core.  Was divine goodness real?  Could the God of the universe be trusted?  Why do the ungodly seem to be enjoying the blessings of life? Does choosing to live a faithful life in loyal devotion to God really matter when those who don’t love God seem to prosper? If we're being totally honest, we've all been in this same place. Why do I have to deal with this, when she gets to have that? Asaph, as a man of God, wrestles with what to do.  As a man of God, he cannot share his thoughts with others for fear he may impact other believers.  He doesn’t want to betray the community of faithful believers by sharing his feelings that God is not good, so he keeps his frustrations to himself.  The problem is when those doubts percolate in the silence of our minds, the descend to our very core.  We begin to seek solutions in our own power to no avail. The more we think about it, the more desperate we become.  It's a dangerous place to be, but we've all been in that place of spiraling thoughts if we're being honest. It's a constant battle between the flesh and the Spirit, and our flesh will fail standing on its own. But it's a battle you can win if you continually capture your thinking and lean on His strength.

I will tell you I've found that dealing with a cancer diagnosis comes in waves. I can be moving through my day, totally at peace, and then a tidal wave of spiraling thoughts will come crashing down. It doesn't take any effort at all to let my thoughts slip into the abyss, and for the tears to start falling. What takes effort is capturing those thoughts and making them obedient to Christ. It feels like a literal battle in my mind to get up on top of that thinking, but there is peace in the battle if you stand firm. I open scripture, I crank the worship music, I get on my knees and cry out to Him. I find encouragement in others. I won't let the thoughts win, I don't have to. I have Him - I can stand firm on His strength in this battle because I know He's already won the war. 

Press on ~ you are loved 💗


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