Journal Entry ~ 08/21/17

25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  - Psalm 73:25-26

Well, the babies are returned to their home, and I can finally finish the devotion I began earlier in the day...and what a day He had planned for me!!  Diagnosis and treatment plan for cancer, surgery for one son, and a marriage proposal for the other son. Oh, and there was a major celestial event happening today, too 😉 What a day! It all just makes me smile, His plan is perfect, even when it seems chaotic and overwhelming. His plan is perfect. On to our verse....

The beautiful part of the story in this psalm is that despite the fact that Asaph questioned God's goodness, God remained faithful to respond to Asaph when he repented.  You could even argue when reading this psalms that God bestowed wisdom before he actually repented. Despite the fact that Asaph confessed being "brutish and ignorant" toward God, God remained faithful toward Asaph. He bestowed wisdom and comfort to Asaph when he struggled to understand the world around him. God offers the same to us today - we can cry out to God about what doesn't make sense to us, we can even sin against Him in our unbelief, behaving in a way that is ignorant to the greater plan that God has for us, and He still remains with us and for us. He is not just standing at the ready to provide wisdom or comfort when we request it of Him, but He is willing and happy to bestow us with these blessings when we repent of our doubts. This isn't just true some of the time, for some of the people, this is true all of the time for all of His people. He stands at the ready, just waiting for us to turn and repent of our sin, and learn to lean into Him - that's an amazing thought when you pause and reflect on it for a moment. 

I found out today that I have the most aggressive form of invasive cancer, it still seems so surreal to me. How can that even be true?  I've cried out to Him in disbelief more than once over the past few days. Like, they must have the wrong address - its hard enough to believe I have cancer, much less the most aggressive kind. But I love a God who is faithful to me, despite my unbelief, and shifts my focus to His perfect plan in it all. It may be the most aggressive form, but He literally brought it to the attention of the doctors at the perfect moment.  I was told today that if they had found this 10 or 15 years ago, or if they found it advanced even a little bit, my prognosis would be significantly different. But it wasn't. It all has drawn me to the fact that His plan, whatever it is for me, is perfect because He loves me and only wants what's good for me. And knowing that truth draws me to a place of repentance for doubting, even if my doubting was only for a fleeting moment, I repent of the doubt. And in that repentance rushes the confidence that His plan is perfect and good. Trust in His plan for you, no matter what kind of chaos that stands in front of you, even when it's hard and doesn't make sense to you, trust that His plan is for your good. And if you fail in that trust, confess it. He is faithful and stands at the ready to bestow His blessings upon you when you submit. 

Press on ~ you are loved 💗

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