Journal Entry ~ 12/29/17

"Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel" (which means, God with us).  - Matthew 1:23

The bigger the trial you face in life, the more you begin to understand you can’t do it alone. Our pride makes us think we can handle whatever life throws at us, especially those of us who like to believe we are strong and capable. I’m one of those people. I’ve always been an independent person who believes I can tackle just about any problem on my own. Saying “I can’t” or “I need help” has always made me feel weak, so I’m the person who says “I got this.” But God didn’t design us that way. He wants us to understand we were never meant to do this alone - we need Him to manage. And since He is ever refining us and purifying us, when we struggle with the pride issues of thinking we can handle it all on our own, He will allow trials into our lives that show us our dependence on Him. We need Him to manage in this world. 

There will come a point in everyone’s life where we come face to face with the truth that we don’t have what it takes to manage on our own. Church pews are filled with people who have come to understand this and have surrendered their lives to His authority. “I don’t have it in me to do this job, face this trial, parent this child, manage this illness, experience this grief.”  When we finally come to the place where we recognize we can’t do it on our own and we need a Savior, God rushes in to be with us. What peace that reminder brings to me!  He is with us. Not metaphorically, He is truly with us. No matter what I face, He lovingly reminds me not to worry, He’s with me. I can lay the incredibly heaven burden down that I’ve been carrying on my own, and I can trust in the One who’s walking through this with me....the One who knows the path, the One who’s got the plan, the One who brings the peace. 

I’ve shared with several people lately that I’m filled with many different emotions as I shift into the next phase of treatment - some good, some challenging. I’m excited to be finished with the worst of my treatment, but the fear can well within me about whether or not it worked, or how I will feel during this next phase. I’m looking forward to not being trapped in my house for the majority of the week, but I’ve become quite accustomed to the comforts of my home, and the quiet peace I enjoy most days. I can’t wait to be in the classroom again with my students, but I worry about my ability to manage this never ending fatigue.  And that list only scratches the surface of all that I’m feeling this week.  But I know He goes with me. I have to remind myself frequently that He already knows what I will face, and He already has a plan for how I will manage. My job is only to trust in His plan.


Press on ~ you are loved 💗

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