Journal Entry ~ 07/05/18

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.  - Psalm 23:2

Like sheep, we need reminders to take care of ourselves. We aren’t smart enough or willing enough to do many things for our own good. But He knows what we need, and He will do whatever it takes to care for our souls. 

The reminder in this verse that He “makes” us lie down always makes me chuckle - mostly because I am not someone who sits idle well. I need a Lord who makes me lie down. He doesn’t ask or suggest, He makes me lie down because He knows it’s what I need. 

I am someone who is much more comfortable serving others over being served. It has always been hard for me to be served because I find far too much value in being needed. For many years, my value was defined by the busyness in my schedule and by how much I was needed by others. It’s a stronghold I’ve struggled with for years. Add to that the fact that I don’t like to appear weak or needy, and you end up with a prideful overachiever. It is my battle. I know so many people who struggle with the same issues, but don’t even realize - it’s a blind spot for so many women. There are far too many moms out there who find their value in how much they are needed by their children, often only recognized when their children begin to need them less. As moms, many of us are so desperate to be needed that we have created a culture of children so dependent on us that they struggle to function independently in the world. Check yourself in your quiet time - are you someone who feels more accomplished when you have a full schedule?  Do you feel useless when your schedule is light?

When we find our value in our accomplishments or in serving others, we struggle to be still with Him. Our schedules, our busyness, and our need to be needed takes priority over our time with Him. We will give up our quiet time, our small group time, even our weekly church attendance because our children need us. We dismiss this idolatry, and fail to recognize the damage to our souls, so He makes us lie down. 

It’s something I have struggled with for years, though I have been working on it, clearly I had not made enough progress. God allows us to walk through difficult trials because we are slow to learn - I am confident one of the reasons God allowed me to walk through cancer was to slow me down.  He made me lie down in green pastures to experience His presence in ways I couldn’t possibly have experienced. 

In the quiet stillness of my treatment, He has led me to the still waters of His Word and drawn me closer to Him than I’ve ever been. His presence has been refreshing and comforting and strengthening. He has shown me such grace as He’s revealed things to me about my heart that I just couldn’t see in my busyness. Making me lie down and allowing me to be served has demonstrated His love for me through people that I have never allowed Him to show me before. It’s still difficult for me to put into words how He has grown me as He made me lie down, but I am incredibly thankful for the way He has intentionally pursued me and drawn me close to Him

Press on ~ you are loved 💗

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