Journal Entry ~ 09/22/18

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.  - Psalm 90:14

Living in this broken world, we will feel alone and lonely from time to time. I find myself in that dark place  every time I search for my satisfaction here on earth. I have spent a lot of years looking horizontally for what I should be finding vertically. Sometimes it’s in people, sometimes it’s in accomplishments, sometimes it’s in things. I will strive and strive to find that satisfaction, but find myself so empty at the end of my struggle, regardless of whether I achieve what I am looking for or I fail. I sometimes wonder how often I am going to struggle with this same lesson until I finally get it. There is nothing on this earth that can satisfy the longing that lives in my heart.

My young adult life is marked with a trail of high expectations for the people in my life, followed by destruction. You can find broken relationship after broken relationship on that trail. The problem was I continued to look to the people in my life to fill a void that only God can fill. As a person who came for a very broken home, full of chaos, abuse, and neglect, I entered adulthood desperately wanting to be loved. I longed for that sense of peace and comfort and security that comes from knowing I am loved. So I continued to turn to the people in my life to fill that void, and they could not. They were just broken people who were taught how to love imperfectly like me. 

My high expectations were for people to love me unconditionally, and to perfectly fill my needs. When they failed me, my response was to end the relationship and go in pursuit of another. I was convinced I was going to  find someone who would give me exactly what I needed. The problem what I was looking in the wrong place. 

You see the desire that exists in all of us – the desire to be fully satisfied by an unconditional, pursuing, steadfast love is part of our DNA. God created us with that longing our hearts. But it was supposed to drive us to look to Him to be the one who satisfies us. This broken world would have us looking to each other, expecting others to always behave and respond in a way that perfectly fills us. There is nobody in this world who will satisfy your heart in the way it needs to be satisfied. No one. The world is full of broken people, who at some point or another will eventually let you down.

But there is a God above who created you and who knows you better than you know yourself. He is waiting to shower you with that unconditional, steadfast love. We can find the deep satisfaction we long for if we stop looking to other people to fill our needs, and look only to Him. 

Press on ~ you are loved 💗


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