Journal Entry ~ 06/07/19

17 I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of his enemies,18 and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice." - Genesis 22:17-18

So we know we need to fully surrender in order to find His blessings. We know we need to fully trust that He knows our heart intimately, and He's holding it all in the palm of His hand. We know that He promises good for those who love Him, and we do love Him. Then why do we still struggle to find His peace at times?

I've even been to the place where I think I'm surrendering, but I wasn't finding the peace...at least not a peace that would hang on for any length of time. Then I figured out its because I was missing one critical component. Surrender only happens after confession and repentance.  

I can think I'm surrendering because I don't want to carry around the burden anymore, but if I am not truly confessing and repenting, I will pick that burden right back up again. I was confessing in my prayers, just not what I really needed to confess - I didn't even see it. 

Then God finally revealed my deeper sins to me. I needed to confess not surrendering my my deepest desire - the root of my idol. I needed to confess all the years of fear and anxiety and control. Initially, I didn't even understand how any of that was sin, but He opened my eyes to understand that fear and anxiety and control was all unbelief. And unbelief is sin. I would pray, but I would get up from my prayers and go try to resolve the prayer on my own, essentially not even seeing that I was acting out of unbelief.  

He broke me, and helped me to see my sin as He sees it. He's still doing it because even now that I know, my flesh still has a tendency to pick it all right back up again. But I recognize the signs of my sinful behavior so much quicker now - when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, when I begin to worry or become frustrated...I know I need to stop, confess, and surrender immediately. Only then can I pick up the peace of knowing He's got it all under control. 


Press on ~ you are loved 💗

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