Journal Entry ~ 10/16/19

For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him. - 2 Chronicles 16:9

When I assert my rights, I forfeit grace. When I am feeling weak or exhausted, angry or frustrated, desperate or lonely, fearful or discouraged, when I need His strength, it's time to search my heart for the right I need to give up. These words have really struck me this week, and I've pondered them constantly. 

Yesterday, when my son didn't respond to a situation the way I wanted him to, I got frustrated. With this message on my mind, within moments I started looking for where I needed to give up my rights. I don't have a right to determine how other people respond, I don't have a right to determine how other people feel, I don't have a right to object when people choose a different perspective of a situation or opinion than mine. Writing that all down sounds so silly - of course I don't have that right. But why did I get frustrated yesterday?  Because my son didn't respond the way I wanted him to, or the way I believe he should. The frustration dissipated quickly, as I realized how often this expectation impacts my feelings and destroys my peace, and instead I immediately confessed the sin. In that moment, His peace rushed in. 

I need to lay down the right that people will respond in the way that I want them to. I'm finding the more I meditate on this point, the more I'm able to identify the emotion at the root, and find the right. My greatest desire is to have a heart that is blameless toward the Lord, and I am so thankful that He continues to walk with me through difficult emotions and challenging trials to reveal my heart to me, and that He continues to reveals in Scripture fresh ways I can search my heart. 

Press on ~ you are loved 💗


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