Journal Entry ~ 12/13/19

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. - Galatians 5:16

When we first come to Christ, banners are hailed. Our hearts surrender to Him, the Spirit comes to dwell in us, and our lives are on fire for Him. We know at the end of this life, if we lived for Him, our reward will be in heaven with Him. We look forward to the promise of a reward for a race well run. 

But it’s in between the banners and the medals that disciples are made. It’s in these days that can be long and dark, and in-between the beautiful surrender and the great promise. It’s in the heartbreaking days we’re told to wait, take courage in Christ, keep our eyes fixed on Him, let the Spirit strengthen us...but the reality is, it can feel like we’re drowning some days. We know we’re supposed to walk in the Spirit, but some days the question is how?  How are we supposed to walk in the Spirit when we feel like our world is crashing around us?

It’s in the pain that God will meet you and draw you close because it’s in the pain that your heart will be exposed. It’s only in your deepest, darkest, most difficult moments that you will discover what’s most important to you. It’s only when the heartache in our lives is personal, and when it’s so pervasive that we cannot think of anything else that we begin to cry out to Him. 

It’s in these deepest darkest moments that we hear silence as a response to our prayers. We want to walk in the Spirit, but we hear nothing from Him. Is it always going to be like this?  Silence. Is this going to define me? Silence. Our hearts ache for a response. Do you even see me?  Do you even love me?

The Spirit hears us, but He wants us to see Him, He wants us to love Him above all else. He wants no treasure before Him. Nothing. 

It’s in those moments that God is revealing our treasure so He can reveal our heart. God loves you way too much to let lesser things posses your heart. What has your heart so deeply that it’s taken over your world?  What has you praying so desperately that you cannot let go? 

What if all that we are grateful for went away? Would we still love him?  Would we still trust him? What if He said no to your most desperate prayers, would you still trust him? He wants your heart even more than that one thing that has a hold so deeply on you that you can’t seem to separate it from Him and His love for you. 

Trust cannot be self generated. I cannot simply will myself to trust Him more. What outrageous irony: the one thing that I am responsible for in my life I cannot will to happen. Trust happens as a respond to complete surrender to the Spirit. Look to what He is showing you in your heartache - discover the one thing you love more than Him and lay it down. He will strengthen your Spirit and He will walk you through this trial. 

Press on ~ you are loved 💗


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